I'm the Local Buggy Bandit and Groper.

In the past, in all my haste, during my on-a-mission, get-in-and-get-the-hell-out as fast I can style grocery shopping excursions, I had grabbed buggies other than my own causing panic in other patrons. It was only a couple times (so far), as I've learned to pause a sec to avoid this situation. I was dubbed the "buggy bandit" by my husband.

The first time this happened I was in the dairy section. There was a huge line of buggies clustered in the general area, so rather than wait for room to appear for my buggy, I left my buggy back by the paper products and walked right up to get my milk. Unfortunately, I then apparently grabbed the nearest buggy and continued on my merry way. Can't remember where I was when I noticed a bunch of produce in my buggy that I had not selected, and my Band-Aids? Where were my Band-Aids?......then it dawned on me, so I quickly made my way back to the paper product section to find the buggy-less woman standing near my cart. No harm done, a little bit of a laugh, my profuse apology, and on we went.

The second time, however, did not go as smoothly. I repeated the same slide-in-and-slide-out maneuver in the produce department and again grabbed the nearest buggy that was not my own. I was in the other end of the store when I looked down and noticed there was a purse in the seat of "my" buggy that was not mine. Egads! My heart dropped. I could get in big trouble for this one! I start frantically backtracking, not really knowing where I committed my crime. It was when I rounded the corner into the produce department that I could see a frantic woman surrounded by a couple of other helpful women that I located my mark. Deep breath.....onward. I approached the woman, who identified me via her purse as I approached her. I apologized up and down, backward and forward, and even sideways. I reached out and touched her arm in my attempt to convey my sincerity. She wasn't having any of it. Talk about dirty looks and conveying no interest in relating or understanding....sheesh. The giggles hit me halfway home, and I laughed about how stupid of a thing it was to do until I had tears. Can't really explain it, but it hit me funny somehow.

Fast forward to today, grocery shopping with kids in tow, I take a step back to look up high and back straight into someone. In an attempt to gain my balance, as my heel landed on this person's heel, my hand came down and back, and I palmed HER ass, and I mean really palmed it. Oh brother, now I'm not only a buggy bandit, but a groper. The kids had a good laugh but, again, the patron was unamused.

While my bandit incidents occurred during a time I really didn't know anyone in our small city, the ass I grabbed happened to belong to a woman who lives down the street from me, and I'm not exactly fond of her. I have no idea how she feels about me, but I'm guessing since I don't allow her children to play here due to their cursing, hitting, and fighting, it isn't favorable.

(NOTE: It is very important that as many people realize what a no-no leaving your purse in your grocery cart actually is.....many thieves wait until you are reading labels or are turned into the back of your car unloading groceries to make a grab for it! I've seen it happen with my own two eyes, and I actually pulled it off myself as the buggy bandit!)

Another "leak" story....

As a work-at-home mom, I work in the basement. Despite having heating vents down here, it is cold as all get out. In the summer, I frequently wear long pants and long-sleeve shirts, but am able to forego the slippers. Not in the winter. In fact, I sometimes add a blanket over my shoulders and a heating pad underneath my slippers in the winter. My feet still get cold, probably due to the concrete floor under my carpet.

A couple of years back, with feet that almost burned with cold, I finished for the night, at around 2 a.m. as usual. I went upstairs to wash my face and ready myself for bed. I had, however, noticed earlier I had an eyebrow hair, a stray one that appears from time to time, that needed plucking. I remembered I wanted to pluck this as I warmed the water running in the sink. This eyebrow hair, however, takes multiple attempts at plucking for some reason. It is almost as if it is cemented to my brain or something. All the while the water is running just under my nose in the sink as I stood there in my socks AND slippers on a bathroom area rug leaning in close to the mirror.

Suddenly, I felt this wonderful warmth spreading over the sides of my slipper-clad feet starting from the bottom up, slowly. I welcomed it. It felt so good. I thought for a brief second how wonderful it felt while wiggling my toes to suddenly realizing there was no heating vent underneath my bathroom vanity! I looked down and could see the rug beneath my overprotected feet was wet. What's worse I lifted the rug and could see the water it had damned up to remain under the bathroom vanity. I shut off the water, and suddenly I could hear more running water through the laundry chute door! I ran to the top of the stairs, and opening the door was as far as I needed to go. I could clearly see the waterfall I had created cascading from the ceiling. I hollered for my husband to come help. Firstly he was not happy about being awakened due to my stupidity and secondly he was not happy at how extensive this little mishap turned out to be.

As we stood in the basement waiting for the water to stop flowing through the ceiling and as I amazed at how that little vanity getting soaked upstairs for about 5 minutes could equate to a 6-foot radius circular waterfall over the entire center of our house and directly over the furnace and duct work, etc. combined with how it happened, my enjoyment of warm feet and having a blonde moment, the thought about the story from the view of sharing it in the future hit me and I got hit with the giggles. Who knows, maybe I was slap happy, but I do often tend to not get out of sorts because it just means you are still dealing with what needs to be dealt with, only now you're mad on top of it and complaining never helps anything......DH was not amused. He was scrambling around, as was I, and he yelled "I don't see what the hell is so funny!" He does now, but he didn't at that moment! Luckily for me, and DH's tendency towards a foul mood, the furnace survived and there was no extensive damage due to that part of the basement being unfinished at the time.