I'm the Local Buggy Bandit and Groper.

In the past, in all my haste, during my on-a-mission, get-in-and-get-the-hell-out as fast I can style grocery shopping excursions, I had grabbed buggies other than my own causing panic in other patrons. It was only a couple times (so far), as I've learned to pause a sec to avoid this situation. I was dubbed the "buggy bandit" by my husband.

The first time this happened I was in the dairy section. There was a huge line of buggies clustered in the general area, so rather than wait for room to appear for my buggy, I left my buggy back by the paper products and walked right up to get my milk. Unfortunately, I then apparently grabbed the nearest buggy and continued on my merry way. Can't remember where I was when I noticed a bunch of produce in my buggy that I had not selected, and my Band-Aids? Where were my Band-Aids?......then it dawned on me, so I quickly made my way back to the paper product section to find the buggy-less woman standing near my cart. No harm done, a little bit of a laugh, my profuse apology, and on we went.

The second time, however, did not go as smoothly. I repeated the same slide-in-and-slide-out maneuver in the produce department and again grabbed the nearest buggy that was not my own. I was in the other end of the store when I looked down and noticed there was a purse in the seat of "my" buggy that was not mine. Egads! My heart dropped. I could get in big trouble for this one! I start frantically backtracking, not really knowing where I committed my crime. It was when I rounded the corner into the produce department that I could see a frantic woman surrounded by a couple of other helpful women that I located my mark. Deep breath.....onward. I approached the woman, who identified me via her purse as I approached her. I apologized up and down, backward and forward, and even sideways. I reached out and touched her arm in my attempt to convey my sincerity. She wasn't having any of it. Talk about dirty looks and conveying no interest in relating or understanding....sheesh. The giggles hit me halfway home, and I laughed about how stupid of a thing it was to do until I had tears. Can't really explain it, but it hit me funny somehow.

Fast forward to today, grocery shopping with kids in tow, I take a step back to look up high and back straight into someone. In an attempt to gain my balance, as my heel landed on this person's heel, my hand came down and back, and I palmed HER ass, and I mean really palmed it. Oh brother, now I'm not only a buggy bandit, but a groper. The kids had a good laugh but, again, the patron was unamused.

While my bandit incidents occurred during a time I really didn't know anyone in our small city, the ass I grabbed happened to belong to a woman who lives down the street from me, and I'm not exactly fond of her. I have no idea how she feels about me, but I'm guessing since I don't allow her children to play here due to their cursing, hitting, and fighting, it isn't favorable.

(NOTE: It is very important that as many people realize what a no-no leaving your purse in your grocery cart actually is.....many thieves wait until you are reading labels or are turned into the back of your car unloading groceries to make a grab for it! I've seen it happen with my own two eyes, and I actually pulled it off myself as the buggy bandit!)

Vocabulary Adventures - Anatomy

The age of 3, what can I say? It's my third time experiencing the age of 3 with my children, and I'd have to say that while it is one of the most frustrating ages, it is definitely one of the funniest. Terrible 2's? Didn't have them at my house. Don't know if we are just blessed or what.

I seem to still be in denial that a 3-year-old must absolutely interact with me verbally every moment of every day, whether it be "Look at this mom.", "What's this mom?", "You be this guy.", etc. There is no getting away with an "uh-huh" or a head nod, it absolutely MUST be accompanied by eye contact in order to convey a true connection. I'm just grateful the stage where I had to actually repeat what he says to convey to him that he was truly heard seems to be passing.

Why can I still say after 11 years that being talked to all day long is frustrating? Because it is. I guess it doesn't help that I hear doctor voices in my head all day long through dictation, that my husband has to talk to me, and that he, combined with the children, seem to be yakkin' away AT me all at the same time a good part of each day......by the end of the day, I just want to cover my ears, slouch down against a wall onto the floor, and holler "No more voices! No more voices in my head!" (Then I would actually look as crazy as I feel most of the time.)

Even though I expected my children to talk a lot at the age of 3, I don't think anything really prepares you for just how much some 3-year-olds can really talk. ALLLLLL DAAAAYYYYY LOOOOOOOOOONG. It seems to accompany that strong will to do things for themselves, to take a crack at hanging with the big guys, and attempting to act like anything other than 3 years old. With it, however, are those hilarious moments when they attempt trying the "big" words out in a sentence - just gotta love them. They elicit laughter out of me every single day, even in moments of frustration.

Not too long ago, G asked what those balls were "down here." I told him they were called testicles. Fast forward a couple of weeks later wherein the word was never uttered again.....I noticed G checking out his stuff in the tub. I asked him, "Whatchya doin'?" He said, "I'm touchin' my knuckles mom."

It brings back a memory from my first. His version of testicles was teck-a-skulls, and they had been referred to as skulls ever since, until, that is, they magically became knuckles. I remember back then in the "skull" era when my son and daughter were still young enough to bathe together and he asked me what her's was called. While she didn't have the ability or desire to ask yet herself, she understood the answer.....as soon as I said "Vagina," she started skipping through the house sing-songing "annnngiiiiiina, angina....." I just let her go. She was a singer and sang all day long with any word she could form or think up, and the last thing I wanted was to have to explain why she turned the word vagina into a song strewn together with any other random word. Oh, the possibilities!

(For those of you upset that we don't encourage or force them to say the words the right way, chill out. No, I'm not scared of the real words, and neither are they, and they do know them. We call hands patties, feet dogs, and heads noggins, and we aren't scared of those either.)

When I was little, my grandmother, born and raised down South, had us calling our stuff possums. You should have seen the look on our faces, all girls, when we asked our mother what that dead creature in the road was, and her answer was "A possum." It's still good for a laugh, and I predict the same reaction from my son the first time he hears the phrase "You wanna knuckle sammich?"

Inventor Spoof

Should I Be Worried?

Should I be worried that at just over 3 years of age he still thinks I can't see him if he can't see me? It's still too cute to care.

G in a muffled voice: "Come and find me momma!"

Me: "K. Where ever can my handsome boy be?" (seeing him immediately) "Hmmmm, could he be over here by the door? No. Over here by the table? No....." (as I grab the camera on the fridge right next to him)

G still muffled: "I'm on the floor!"

Me: (snap picture and then tickle foot) "I found you!"

Our 12th Wedding Anniversary......

Okay, so a little background.....my hubby is terrible at gift-giving.....well maybe not for every gift, but hearing me drop hints and even directly pointing out the item I would love to have, he seems to miss the mark.

I should've realized this would be a lifelong issue throughout our marriage the moment he proposed with the ring that I had specifically said "No, I don't like that one. In fact, I actually hate that one." when he took me shopping. lol.

Again, after becoming a mother, I pointed to a mother's necklace that was different from the one everyone else was getting at that time.....he got me the one everyone was getting at the time.

A couple years ago he bought me the past, present, and future ring that I wanted, BUT he added a bunch more little diamonds all around the main stones - it now looks like a cocktail ring - not my style. It was obvious how that happened, despite my specificity with him on that one, as I later met the jeweler when I took him out shopping for an anniversary gift a year later - that man was a pure salesman and didn't like it when I told him he shouldn't try to talk people into something other than what they were after because they wind up with an unhappy spouse like me. lol.

I'm just a balanced and simple person. I don't like abstract, curves, waves, or tons of little diamonds scattered about in my jewelry - straight lines and balance is what I need, clean. Can't get anymore specific than that, or can you?

Anyway, we just celebrated our 12th anniversary. We've been together for 18 years total. We were talking and I said "Maybe we should just stick to that old tradition that lists items made of paper and woods and such for gifts, or maybe even go with the newer, more updated version. He said, "What could I get you made of paper? Paper lingerie? A paper airplane? Is plastic one? You could wrap yourself in cellophane and I could wear a condom!" @@@ I think we'll be sticking to whatever floats his boat at that moment, as his options for a crack at the traditional gifts appear to represent a bigger challenge for him! He may be clueless when it comes to gift giving and what I like or dislike, but he is definitely my best friend and I'm glad he's mine.