Resolving the Resolution Problems....

I have made a single resolution this year, despite the fact that I want to lose weight, correct some self-defeating behaviors, and break some bad habits, etc. all at the same time. I really need to have about five resolutions. You see, this one single resolution will put all the other "usual" resolutions into line. My resolution is to set things straight, all the things that enable me to make what others view as "excuses," to eliminate the "real" problem. I don't consider the things that cause me to fail or to give up excuses, in the literal sense of the word, as they are real, very real. In fact, I rarely ever make a New Year's resolution--If I don't make one, I won't fail, right? In actuality my resolutions are made all throughout the year and mentally added to my to-do list. I don't fail really, as I keep trying too.

Not everything is simply an excuse to NOT do something, despite it appearing that way to the top-notch psychologists or merely to others. The day can simply be too full with all of the other things on our plates or simply with all of the other things that we feel are important or that we simply WANT to do. So the real questions become, "How do I fit THIS in? That which I really do WANT? How do I make it high on MY priority list?"

My intention today was to blog about what it is that makes you or I break our resolutions because I believe I discovered last year what my problem is, as well as the answer to that problem. My problem is addressing all the things that complicate life that aren't "excuses" at all thereby putting the things I actually WANT on a back burner.

I thought I would try to look up an approximate number or percentage of how many resolutions are broken, how long they are kept, etc. real quick. I came across a site with an article implying that there is a science behind keeping and breaking resolutions. I gave it a look/listen. (http://tinyurl.com/9k4sjx)

Apparently, the "willpower muscle" in the brain is weak and "tough" tasks can exhaust the willpower part of your brain, which can cause you to break a New Year's resolution, especially if you have more than one resolution.

When first coming across this audio clip, I almost turned it off after the first few seconds, as I was incredulous. Findings suggested that those who were assigned a 7-digit number to memorize over those assigned a 2-digit number to memorize were almost twice as likely to choose chocolate cake over a fruit salad.

I don't buy that I would choose chocolate cake over a fruit salad and break my resolution to not eat sweets simply because I was assigned a 7-digit number to memorize rather than the 2-digit number. In fact, I KNOW I would choose the cake simply because I wanted the cake. I would view the opportunity to have that chocolate cake as a wonderful or convenient opportunity to eat that piece of cake....that cake I don't keep in the house, make myself, or that isn't readily available to me....see, I would justify why I should eat that rare piece of chocolate cake at that moment. It would be a very real conscious decision for me. I don't EVER have a goal on my mind that doesn't play into my daily decision-making process--I just simply make the choice, consciously; rationalize it; justify it; etc.

However, after thinking on it for a bit, maybe I would chose that cake because the willpower portion of my brain is more taxed by another task, one that isn't necessarily a priority to me, albeit just not as trivial as memorizing a 7-digit number or the "cake." Translation: Despite this audio clip implying it would be a subconscious decision to eat this cake, maybe the fact that I have momentarily placed another task higher in priority or that I have assigned five more tasks an equal weight of importance on the priority scale would thereby render it a subconscious act, i.e. I chose to eat that cake by consciously deciding to, but maybe I might not have if it were my ONLY priority. It is a valid point.

Let me explain further.....let's say that my top 5 current goals, in no specific order, are to lose weight, get my invention to market, get organized from under the mess I allowed people to create around me when I got too tired and temporarily gave up trying, to exercise, and to eat right all an equal importance ranking on my priority scale. I could very easily let eating right slip down a notch from the others on the day I'm viewing accomplishing an invention task critical. I could also let exercising slip down a notch on a day that I need to spend that 45 minutes researching manufacturers instead. Keep in mind that these are all goals no matter what else occurs throughout my day(s) as well. I could see that if I focused on only one goal, there is much less risk that I would choose that cake because it would be first and foremost on my mind, possibly the ONLY thing on my mind.

My work needs to get done, my house needs cleaning (even if only daily pick-ups and not deep cleaning), my invention requires attention, my children require my attention, family members periodically call for attention, friends periodically require attention, my husband requires attention, my marriage requires attention, food needs to be purchased and cooked, errands need to be run, the dog requires attention, the cars need some recall work, dentist appointments, hair appointments, school appointments, bills need to be paid, end-of-the-year reports need to be generated, taxes need to be done, people need to be paid, invoices need to go out, filing needs to be done, etc. (See, I even still left off myself requiring attention, but this is what I'm working toward!)

So how does a multi-tasking mother manage to accomplish it all? We all know that we accomplish many tasks throughout a day, and when you think about it, it is very rarely that you accomplish more than one at a time. You can't simultaneously load the dishwasher and sew some clothing, and if you can, I'd love to meet you! We are also often pulled off task, interrupted in the middle of a task, etc. (says the woman who just absolutely HAD to find a bin for the Diego track that hubbie insisted MUST have a place right now pulling me away from the to-do list of tasks I've placed a priority on.)

To me, with some reflection, the answer is clear.....you may be making the wrong resolutions or setting yourself up for failure straight outta the gate! You need to put systems into place to fix the things that ARE pulling you away, messing up your priority scale, and blocking your progress. Put systems into place that streamline functions and simplify life. Make minor changes to accommodate these new systems to find success. This is what I plan to blog about for the next few months as I fix each and every issue that causes me to gripe or simply causes me frustration.

All five of my goals will remain of equal importance to me, but they are goals and not resolutions. I'm not trying to set myself up for failure, but rather set myself up for success, which is why my resolution is to fix many other things before attempting what I would rather be focusing on. I'm putting the gears in motion for success. I must address the clutter issue, my to-do list, the organization of my family members, their participation/contribution to it all, etc. before I will find even remote triumph or success in the majority of the personal goals I've set for myself, those I consider to be my ultimate resolutions.

This means it is an ongoing process, one I started last April that was sidelined by something I placed greater emphasis on that had a six-month lifespan (a conscious decision). I need to eliminate that which makes me gripe, that which weighs heavily on my mind causing me to feel that neglectful, guilty feeling as I do what I'd rather be doing...that which gets in the way. Care to join me?

What tactics or approaches work for you? How do you find success? What makes you fail? Are they really ONLY excuses? I would love to hear about all the success stories and tips and tricks for accomplishing this success!

Lack of Time and Focus....

Well, I had to skip creating any new blog posts in lieu of tending to all that Christmas entails. I jotted down numerous notes on new ideas and topics, but things are still going.

The day after Christmas, my husband took our 3 children to his mother's house for 3 days. Exciting stuff. I organized and accomplished much on my To-Do list--stuff that I need to get done to place myself onto the top of my priority list for a change, guilt-free. See, I cannot just do it knowing that so many other things require my attention, so the solution is to put things just so to avoid this line of reasoning.

Hubbie brought the kids home Sunday night. He complained that he didn't feel well and my oldest expressed the same. As I unpacked the luggage, I noted that he had packed all 3 of their toothbrushes together in the same baggie - you just shouldn't do this on a good day, no? Just thought he and my oldest had eaten something bad because nobody was actually "sick" and it was past their bedtime when they arrived, I ran their toothbrushes under very hot water, thinking it would be sufficient. It wasn't long before my oldest vomited first in the middle of the night and DH started with the "other end." From there, my 3-y/o joined them so that Monday was an extraordinary day to say the least. Tuesday, nobody was up for eating still and only the youngest was still having the hind-end issues. My daughter, with the sweet tooth of all sweet tooths....although she said she felt fine, she did not eat anything nor drink much over the last couple of days, including sweet stuff, so I knew she was out of sorts, but at least she didn't spew anything.

Hubbie kept apologizing that now I was running around like a headless chicken, cleaning this and that, wiping up this and that, comforting all, offering fluids of all sorts to each whatever the special request might be. I told him that I was only disappointed in 2 things....1 that neither he or his mother had the sense to move the 3-day visit after discovering she was having diarrhea, and 2 that he put all those toothbrushes together like that and probably had them that way throughout the visit.

I was as careful as I could be, but despite that I now have the GI bug, albeit less in severity than they. There just isn't any way to avoid it at ALL costs when so many are running around with the same virus. However, they are all up and about and arguing tday so I asked DH to not go to work today. I slept most of the day away bundled up, despite not having a fever. It's really the first time that everyone here has caught such a bug - wow, does that keep you on your toes. DH and I have discussed, off-handedly, what is it that prevents your tummy from accepting that which is not causing a problem, to make it literally pump out the contents in order to empty it? Not fun and feels totally different as an adult than I remember it as a 10-year-old. lol.

So, instead of sharing some cute stories over the past week, I sit here completely unmotivated and not very creative. Upping the quality of the posts I'd like to share in the New Year is a goal of mine, whether I decide to divide my blog into many or find a way to learn how to organize this one the way I would like it to appear - that's the organization freak in me....I don't like these 3-column deals...I want categories. lol.

Happy New Year to you and yours!

Working at Home & Isolation

What happens when your husband lands a new job 100 miles (and more) from all of your friends and family just before you give birth to your first child and quit your full-time office job to move that far away with him?

You run the risk of people acting like you live on another continent altogether. People hardly come to visit. Over the years friends have even reverted to e-mail contact rather than telephone calls. Let's face it, talking on the phone with little ones is challenging on a good day, and since I became a mother later than most of my friends, once they achieved telephone-talking-with-ease status they then entered the overscheduled-child phase, which to this day does not afford anyone spare time. Still e-mail contact. Sigh.

Now compound that situation with working at home in a digital/internet era....practically no adult interaction/contact. My life literally consists of upstairs, downstairs, school, and the grocery store. You can throw in the doctor and dentist outings and only 1 sport each per child.

It is isolating enough that when my mom called at the last minute to invite me to travel to Illinois and camp out overnight in freezing temperatures to try out for Deal or No Deal, I actually jumped at the chance - it was actually appealing! Luckily, the folks at the Pier let everyone who could fit inside into the building so we wound up non-sleeping warmly on the floor of a public building with complete strangers. We met some funny folks and did have a good time. (Didn't make the show though). My husband was dumbfounded that I said, "It sounds like fun. Why not?" As soon as I said it and knew the weather forecast, I knew I was truly a desperate woman with a skewed perception of fun these days.

As a work-at-home mom whose job is computerized, including most communication with clients, you take chances to get out whenever they present themselves whatever the opportunity.

I've made new friends in this city, but I am forced to keep my distance somewhat, for my own sanity. The downside to being a work-at-home mother is that it is a rare person who understands that you have a real job to do and that you still have deadlines. If they could stop asking me for bogus play dates at my house wherein they arrive and announce as they wave goodbye they will be gone for 6 hours to another city or quit copping out on the kid swaps we've tried to plan (I keep their kids for 2 hours and they keep mine for 45 minutes or can't do it), I'd probably have more of a life, but that is not, nor has it been, my reality in the 10 years I've been working at home unfortunately.

You get the requests to let so-and-so's child ride the bus home with your child until they can pick them up 2 hours later from those you hardly know because they merely heard you work-at-home and must therefore just simply be at home, whether it be due to an older sibling's appointment for which they don't feel 2 or more children should be pulled out of school early, or not being able to greet them at the busstop for any reason, to the parent who is trying to accommodate the child who just simply does not wish to attend their sister's cheerleading competition or sports event and hearing a mother of a boy making a play date with your daughter while saying "Every Wednesday we need him to have a play date due to *this reason.*" Hmmmm, a/k/a free babysitting service. (Just FYI, if the play date is with your middle-child daughter who has a "cool" older brother, there is nothing but trouble, as that child will inevitably ignore what was supposed to be his playmate as he gravitates toward the boy stuff and older boy). It can get really astonishing the requests you receive with no attempts at hiding the true motives behind them, but worse, with no real consideration as to how this request will impact you. (You might not know it moms, but we're onto you!) It drives me absolutely crazy when a parent allows their too-young children to play with mine on days I have hired a baby-sitter to help me out - I still can't get work done worrying about whether or not my sitter can appropriately tend to my kids, let alone the 3 extra small ones who don't belong here, and on my dime picturing the other mother accomplishing her dish washing, laundry, or simply having an uninterrupted telephone conversation with her friends).

Don't get me wrong here either. I do readily do things out of the kindness of my heart such as snatch up the neighbor's older 4 children under the age of 6 just so that she and her newest baby can nap together, etc., but I have to do those things when I am able to, not because other people think I am able to or should be able to. I'm the first one to offer to take a child, even if it is inconvenient in someone's time of need, but I don't consider your schedule, other child's appointment, or your social life a time of need. When one of my children has an appointment, they all come with when there is only one parent available. I once sat here with 3 children down the street whose parents had to rush to the hospital to have a baby. This was no problem for me. I was happy to do it. It became a problem, however, on this school night, to learn that grandma and grandpa were also at the hospital rather than caring for these children. Couldn't they see that all of these children were going to be exhausted for school the next day, as it was now 11 p.m.? Couldn't they see that because they couldn't get to sleep due to the excitement (their children and mine at the novelty of a sleepover on a school night), that this was setting my work back hours and that I would have to stay up later to get it done? The answer is "No." The work-at-home life seems a breeze to outsiders.

For me it got to a point where I knew not to answer my phone, that I had to outright say "I'm sorry, but I can't because I have to work." and NOT buy into the child-swapping ideas with just anyone. Funny thing is, out of all these people, those who only required my friendship to serve their purposes no longer call at all and are therefore not a true friend. Because I can't tell who these people are or are not in advance, I have to keep my distance.

It is important to take into consideration that a work-at-home mother does have a job to do and that while you think she is always available, she is not. A work-at-home mother would LOVE to be your friend because she craves adult interaction due to her isolation, if friendship is all you expect or demand of her. Talented at juggling, time-management, prioritizing, and sacrificing is the work-at-home mother, and she will be there for you, and even offer to be there for you, whenever you need it or could just use a helping hand regardless--if you don't abuse her. She could certainly use a helping hand herself some days.

Has this been your experience being a work-at-home parent? How have you dealt with those who just don't understand? How have you dealt with the isolation or how do you combat it?

Is there a Positive?

Try as I might, I'm not able to find anything positive in this one. This is a photo of items that had been neatly organized and labeled into our storage room. Only a few have been removed so far too, the most important items. The rest is yet to come.

Why are they no longer neatly resting on the shelves from which they came? Because the toilet located on the floor just above them in our half bathroom overflowed and all of the water came down through the floor somehow around the floorboards and through the duct work via the vent next to the toilet.

I heard swearing and then "Get up here!" As he continued on, I said "I'd better go downstairs and check it out." Sure 'nuf. The large blue and white boxes are the boxes containing my wedding dress and train, the large slab of wood to the left is our extra table leaf. Both items I'd prefer do not make contact with remotely crappy water!

I think I mentioned before I had started a basement organizing campaign, and the storage room looked so nice. Everything in those labeled paper ream boxes now need to be placed into new boxes. The wooden shelves need to have bleach thrown on them, and I can barely type it, everything within them needs to be bleached as well, including the concrete floor. Overkill? Maybe for some, but for a feces germophobe, there is no other way.

I just spent the last 3 days trying to enter an invention/idea contest in my "spare time" and could not get either of my computers to upload media. I'd hit that upload button, but nothing would happen. Apparently the problem wasn't limited to me, and in the end, literally in the last 8 hours before the deadline, the sponsors agreed to let me e-mail them my 30 pictures. Felt good to have them finally there and my submission accepted, but the 3 days it took of downloading software, updates, trying this and that, changing settings, etc. really set me behind. When I got the kids into bed last night, I logged on to find that my submission information was completely gone and so was the contest. I thought, "All that work and it's over before midnight on the deadline date?!" I cried and decided to take a shower. The powers that be for the invention contest fixed the problem and brought back my information. Had this toilet issue happened last night during my meltdown.....who knows. lol.

I neglected my kids somewhat in an effort to make it, to edit pics, fill out forms just so, etc. (not really neglected, but it wasn't fun for them either)....they wound up missing half of a class they had on Monday as I attempted to videotape a presentation. They were angry, but in the end they didn't miss much and felt better. I completely forgot that I needed to pick them up at school before they got on the bus because bus delivery is later than the start of this class. I stayed up extra late trying to squeeze it all in. We had the strep throat and pinkeye, lots of disinfecting upstairs. It just seems like a blur. I was happy that task was over so that I could move onto my next major task that once completed is completely out of the way -- creating 56 bar graphs in Excel to put onto a website. Once this task was completed, it was time to get to the business of organizing my basement so I could start a brand new workout routine - how long this is now delayed, I can't even say for certain. I'll be bleaching and reorganizing that storage a little at a time in the little time I have.

What a bummer. It's hard to literally not raise up my hands and yell "What did I do? Why? Somebody somewhere hates me!" While I don't believe in self-sabotage, it sure feels like I'm being sabotaged a lot of the time, that there are forces working against me. Don't even know how I can type that out, as I also believe everything happens for a reason. Here's to hoping THIS positive reason magically appears, but somehow I doubt it. We might just be able to get my husband to laugh about it in the next 6 months. He doesn't tend to laugh about these things. I usually can, but not when my wedding dress and table leaf are mentioned in the same sentence as sewer water. Ugh.